Hey... I am a part of several infant loss discussion groups around the world, and one of the things that I have been hearing about is men who are having trouble dealing with their grief and are turning to some level of violence (emotional or physical) as they become more and more angry.
Few people understand anger, helplessness, and low self-esteem better than I do. If you are experiencing any of those feelings (or others), my heart goes out to you. But I think it's important that everyone remember that even during the most difficult times, we have choices. While we can't change what has already happened and need to remember that our baby's deaths were not because of a personal failure, we must take responsibility for how we move forward.
As time passes, if you find yourself getting more and more angry about your situation and feeling hopeless, know that lashing out at your partner or other children is not a viable option. Most likely the way you are acting is not normal for you and may even be hard for you to recognize.... but if ANYONE is saying that your behavior has become hurtful, listen to them and be willing to take a long hard look at yourself and how you are coping. If you aren't willing to do that, you may find yourself alone. ASK YOURSELF -- Is that what you want? Is that what your baby would have wanted for you?
As difficult as it is, there are ways of letting off steam in a much more productive way.
At the very least, post a comment here or contact a friend or professional you trust.
Start taking steps to heal by allowing yourself to be honest,
Remember that you are not alone,
Know that you are not a terrible husband or father,
Understand that your pain is real and justified,
Realize that the choice to take positive steps is yours, and yours only
Finally, keep in mind that there are those of us who have gone down this road before you, and because of that, we want to be able to help in whatever way we can.
Showing posts with label death of a child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death of a child. Show all posts
Faith's Lodge Retreat Center
I want to make sure you are aware of a beautiful retreat center in Northcentral Wisconsin. Faith's Lodge is a new facility specifically built for families who have a seriously ill child or who have had a child die. I attended the grand opening and can tell you that it's an absolutely gorgeous facility. The cost for staying at the lodge is extremely reasonable, but certain criteria must be met to go there. Below I have included some descriptive text from the Faith's Lodge web site as well as a link, so please check it out.
On May 8 and 9, 2009, Sherokee Ilse and I will be doing a program at the lodge for grieving couples. Sherokee and I recently published a book entitled "Couple Communication -- After a Baby Dies. Differing Perspectives," which addresses some of the issues we faced in our respective relationships with our spouses following our losses. During the workshop, we will be drawing on information from the book and hope to make the time at the retreat one of growing and healing for bereaved families. We hope you can join us.
Faith’s Lodge is a unique retreat for families who currently have a seriously ill child or have suffered the loss of a child. Located on 80 picturesque acres in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, Faith’s Lodge has eight individually designed guest suites that can each accommodate up to six people. Two suites adjoin to accommodate larger families and are handicapped accessible.
The mission of Faith's Lodge is to provide a place where parents and families facing the serious illness or death of a child can retreat to reflect on the past, renew strength for the present, and build hope for the future.
In its Northwoods setting, Faith’s Lodge provides temporary respite for guests by offering them a peaceful escape to refresh their minds and spirits, while spending time with others who understand what they are experiencing.
http://www.faithslodge.org/index.asp
On May 8 and 9, 2009, Sherokee Ilse and I will be doing a program at the lodge for grieving couples. Sherokee and I recently published a book entitled "Couple Communication -- After a Baby Dies. Differing Perspectives," which addresses some of the issues we faced in our respective relationships with our spouses following our losses. During the workshop, we will be drawing on information from the book and hope to make the time at the retreat one of growing and healing for bereaved families. We hope you can join us.
Faith’s Lodge is a unique retreat for families who currently have a seriously ill child or have suffered the loss of a child. Located on 80 picturesque acres in the Northwoods of Wisconsin, Faith’s Lodge has eight individually designed guest suites that can each accommodate up to six people. Two suites adjoin to accommodate larger families and are handicapped accessible.
The mission of Faith's Lodge is to provide a place where parents and families facing the serious illness or death of a child can retreat to reflect on the past, renew strength for the present, and build hope for the future.
In its Northwoods setting, Faith’s Lodge provides temporary respite for guests by offering them a peaceful escape to refresh their minds and spirits, while spending time with others who understand what they are experiencing.
http://www.faithslodge.org/index.asp
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