The subsequent child

I have previously written about the subsequent pregnancy my wife and I experienced after Kathleen died. For me, it was a very stressful 9 months filled with building protective walls in order to prevent myself from being hurt if something bad happened again. For Monica, it was a time that she let herself cherish because she had lost her innocense and understood it was possible that those months inutero were the only ones she might have with our baby.

In both cases, we were greatly influenced by our previous loss -- even though how we dealt with it was very different.

After our son was born, ironically, I was better able to let go of my stress and relax a little, while Monica got more nervous that something might happen to him during infancy. I think she was a little more protective than she might have been and her bond with him was very strong.

I would be curious to hear how others felt about that experience and how you think your loss has impacted the relationship with your subsquent child both short and long term. I have had some parents tell me that they had a more difficult time bonding with the subsequent baby because they still felt such tremendous pain for their child that died. Others have shared that they cherished all their children so much more because they realized how fragile life can be.

Any thoughts?