For a lot of men (me not included) being able to fix things around the house is an important achievement. Not only does it save money, it also provides a sense of control and accomplishment. While I am far from a handy kind of guy, I must admit that on those rare occasions when I actually do fix something, I'm pretty proud of myself.
Even though I might not be the typical Mr. Fix-it, I definitely took on that role when Kathleen died. Whenever my wife, Monica, opened up to me about her sadness, I felt compelled to provide her with solutions for her sadness. It was not until much later that I learned she was not looking to be fixed -- she just wanted me to listen.
Do any of you find yourselves trying to fix your partner's sadness? Do any of you feel like your partner is trying to fix you? Have you been able to deal effectively with the issue, or is it still a source of tension?
One thing I am very grateful to my husband is the way he had let me cry the loss of our son. Even if I try very hard not to let my sadness show, he feels it and share his with mine. Every time I talk to him about our baby he is open and receptive, many times we ended up crying together remembering him but after doing so, I feel my soul a little bit less heavier than before.
ReplyDeleteI went through the same thing with my wife after we lost our little girl Arwen, it took me a bit of time to realise that she wanted to talk out things but not with any intention of needing a solution, just to talk.. it was definately a learning curve for me
ReplyDeleteI have trouble in this area. For the most part, I can step back from my role of Mr. Fix it, but when my wife starts talking about all of the things she should have or could have done differently, I am compelled to step in and let her know she did all she could, and this was not her fault.
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